Spoon's

Ive found a wonderful analogy on what it'd like to live with pain and fatigue vs someone without either.
It explains the way we (the 'sick', dont like saying that but brain fart has meant its the only word I can think of currently!)

Having to weigh up the choice between doing tasks, menial and well as more complex, and work out if the outlay and effort on a physical and mental (and emotional depending on the task) level is worth what you get out at the end.

My dog does this, no in fact the both do it!! Maybe I'll nickname it the beagleism! Is what I tell them to do, or not do in most instances, worth the reward at the end. If they carry on as they are will they get a better reward or if they do as asked will I give them a better reward.
For example, asking her to recall to me. Have I got something (treat) thats better/tastier than the smells/items/freedom she's got if she carries on running around?
If so she comes, if not, she buggers of howling as if to say stuff you :p

So yes this theory explains very well how each everyday task is a spoon. Once you start spending your spoons your pile of reserves diminishes. Until you are left empty handed. In our case, exhausted, in agony, causing a flare up of multiple symptoms.

Now imagine that every day. All day. Forever. I dont think I'll look at spoons the same way again lol!!

I also think it highlights one of the harder consequences of this disorder. I'm pretty sure ive mentioned it in previous entries. Where ive spent the last decade and a bit always on the go, busy busy busy, never spending quality time with family, always working and to go from 100mph to 5mph is a huge change.
Initially its nice to rest. But then cabin fever kicks in, you begin to itch for the mental stimulation of juggling everything.

I used to live by a clock. With my work, each client I had, had X amount of time allotted, if I go over I'm eating into client #2. I had to be very focused on time management. Meals ready by xyz time, meas eaten by ABC time or I'd be late to my next shift.
Days off began to get made into time allotted tasks. I'd have to get up early and do everything by 9, be at the shops for 915, 920 at a push. So on and so on.
It drove my husband into the ground :( it became so stressful living life constantly battling time and making sure I and completed each task.
I never ever allowed myself time. Quite literally just that. I would punish myself for relaxing. I would feel wasteful and useless doing nothing. So I'd push on.

Now I look back and think what a waste. Life's too bloody short. Ive missed family occasions, holidays, hell I even worked 8 out of the last 9 Xmas days and I only sent work this one as I was just out of hospital and unwell. I'll never get that time back again. But I wont waste it again in the future either.

This blog I fantastic for my mind. Its really making the grey matter ignite and light up. Keeping the thing ticking over. Therapeutic also.

Anyway, ive several spoons worth of tasks to complete today, sitting here won't get it done x