Never enough hours for sleeping

I can't stop sleeping. If you'd asked me 5 years ago would I like to spend the day in bed, I'd have said hell no.
There's too much to do and see, places to go, sleeps for the weak, I'm a long time dead to sleep then. You get the gist.
Now, I've not the energy to even contemplate doing things.
I am sleeping in until 1130/12 pm as a rule of thumb now.
I wake in a mindless stumble around 7, take my morning meds, lay back down and I'm gone again until lunch.

I'll then even sleep for an hour or so more if I've no appointments etc planned. If I do make it downstairs, I often lay on my pillow and go back to sleep again with the dogs!

I'm sleeping more hours than sleeping beauty!! I'm waking up like the beast however!

No amount of sleep is enough to make me feel refreshed or like I've charged up my batteries.

Weirdly enough, I'm incredibly envious of me 5 years ago.
I'm missing being that full on, enjoying life and doing things. Even work.

All I want to do is lay about, eating chocolate and shutting myself off from everything. I just want to be me with me. I dont want to keep pretending I'm ok to stop people fussing. I'm doing more harm that good that way.
I just want to be allowed to be miserable without the comments of being a grump.

Pain is the biggest factor to my moods. The more pain I'm in, the more moody I am. Which means the more people poke fun he less tolerance I have and that makes me more grumpy.
Repeat.

I keep trying to focus on my mantra of I've got FND, FND doesn't have me.
Lately it has though. Its taken everything and changed everything. There's not a bloody thing I can do about that :(
Is it any wonder I'm getting so depressed!?

I'm seeing a pain psychologist at the end of June. I've no idea what that entails or what I think about it.
I've v little interest in anything of late. Another red flag warning of depression. Taking hold, smothering me like a vine weed does in your garden. Until it chokes you.

Heads too fuzzy and body too fizzy to think much more today.
Screaming child in sainsbury earlier has set me off on a v bad day nerve pain and shudders etc. Back in bed. My own little world. X