Last week I wrote a letter to my GP updating her on my appointment with the physio. I think I posted that in here? Well I got a reply a few days ago.
She has said she knew all along it was FNDs but didnt feel the need to tell me of this as it would have no relevance on my treatment. She has disagreed with upping my amitriptyline to the dose the neuro has suggested (80mg) and said I can increase to 30mg from 10mg. I started this sunday and in a fortnight i will up again to 30mg.
She has also agreed to send me to a pain clinic but feels I wont get any use from trying a variety of meds especially as the ones ive tried havent been working. She thinks I will get more from the psychological benefits of the pain clinic.....
All in all I feel let down. I feel I poured my heart out to her and I explained how scared I was and upset at losing my job and independance. All along she knew but wouldnt tell me what it was. I just dont know how I can go to her again now as my gp as I wont trust her word.
Reading things on the FND group it very rarely looks like people recover fully. if anything people decline. With and unsupportive dr that feels so isolating and scary.
I also had a letter (same day) with a date for my PIP assessment. 18th April. In portsmouth!!! Thats an hours drive away :( Which makes me think its a trap and if I go all that way I then automatically write myself off as being able to sit up for lengths of time :( Its such a daunting thought of being tested for my abilities, if I fail this i get left with no income at all and no way of getting a job as I currently am. The welfare system is currently a scary place to be, everything feels scary to me of late.
I should be out and about enjoying this gorgeous weather, care free and enjoying the time off my husband has just had for Easter, feeling like im his wife rather than a burden or a drain (both financially and emotionally)
Ive got another physio session today, im pretty sure it will be a quick check of how im doing the exercises and off on my way again within 10 mins like it always is......it never feels personal.
Mentally I am a lot stronger today/this week. I think spending time with husband last week really helped. Also having a car sitting there I could use when I needed is another boost. Ive not been off on my own yet bar picking up some meds the morning after I got her.
I am also more with it until I get tired and then I get the brain fog and forgetfulness. The other day I forgot I was baking biscuits and left them in the oven!!! I only realised when I smelt burning. I was totally oblivious to what I had just been doing and didnt recall making them :( Im also finding my cross stitch harder as I will do stitches and when I go back to it none of it matches the chart I am following and im more often that not undoing it rather than stitching! So maybe im not as mentally sharp as I thought LOL!!!
So there we go, its a glorious day out again and once again I am enjoying it from indoors. But I do go and sit in the garden with the dogs every now and again. Even if just for the change of scenery! Thats reminded me I am going to look at some agility equipment I can use in the garden for the dogs. If I can tire them out during the day for hubby it helps lessen the load on him. I can just sit out in the garden with them and call them over jumps. Be good training and bonding for us. This was me last summer. When I was much more able bodied :( Makes me sad to reflect back.
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